What's in a Name

I believe that names have power. Not necessarily that a person can be controlled through the use of their name, although some people believe that, but more that a person can be known through their name. The interplay between a person and their name is interesting. Our names can shape and define us, but at the same time we give meaning to the words that make up our name. One of the things that proves to me the importance of names is our adult reaction to learning that someone has given their child an obscure or different name. "Think of the teasing she'll get on the playground!" we decry. Now if there is one thing I know, it is that children will make fun of and tease their classmates over anything they think will cause a reaction. Are Jennifers really teased less than Apples? Probably not. But making fun of someone's name is somehow more traumatic. It cuts deeper; it questions our very identity. [It occurs to me that some of this name identity may be tied to our language. In every language I have studied other than English, one gives their name by saying they are called their name; In English we are our names. An interesting thought, but since I don't subscribe to the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, I doubt it will prove to be unique to English.]

What I'm really trying to say is that names are important, and as such should be used with care. Unfortunately, not everyone uses other people's names with the care they should. It seems as if someone, somewhere has proposed the idea that if you use someone's name they will like you better, trust you more, or feel a connection to you in some way. This is most likely true, since it seems pretty intuitive that we would feel closer to those who know our names, than those who don't, or can't be bothered to remember them. I can see this being one of those psychological studies that seem to say something interesting, but when you look closer, you find it wasn't telling you what you thought after all (this is a common topic of discussion in my household - yes, my husband and I are dorks). But, while we may feel an affinity to those who know and use our name, there are rules for name usage that need to be followed. Deviation from the rules makes the person whose name has been used improperly uncomfortable, and instead of fostering good will, fosters suspicion. Here are some helpful guidelines for using someone's name based on my own observations.

Get it right. This is the golden rule for name usage. If you're going to use my name, make sure you've gotten it right. Don't call me by my sister's name or my coworker's name, or some random name you made up. If you're not sure, you're better off not using my name at all. I think I'm fair when it comes to pronunciation of my name: I allow for some variation. Depending on your dialect you may say the vowels in my name slightly different. My last name is long, but spelled phonetically. I accept two possible phonetic parsings of my name, but have no patience for people who say the first syllable and give up just because it's a long name. Sound it out like you learned to do in school (or maybe didn't - if you were taught the whole word method of reading, you're probably going to mispronounce my name and I'm not going to like you. Sorry.) If you do mispronounce my name, or call me by the wrong name, I will correct you. My name is important. If you've been under the impression that I'm my sister or someone else, you need to be corrected. I try to be polite about it, but I am firm, too.

Use it properly. It probably won't surprise you to learn that pretty much everything about language is rule governed. Appropriate name usage is no exception. There are limited number conditions where using someone's name is expected and/or accepted. Some general guidelines:

1) Names may be used at the beginning or end of conversations. For example, "Hi, John." or "Talk to you later, Melissa."

2) Names may be used to attract someone's attention. For example, "Jessica! Over here!"

3) Names may be used when in a group to single someone out to get their particular views on something. "What do you think about our plan, Brian?"

4) Obviously names may be used when you are talking about someone, even if they are part of your conversation group.

5) A name can be used when expressing a strong emotion directed at the individual, but this usage should be kept to a minimum. "Mary, what were you thinking?!"

There may be a couple more scenarios where a name could be used, but I think this list is pretty exhaustive. Usage outside of these conditions immediately puts a person on guard. When you say to me, "Let me tell you, Amanda, what a great time we had in Florida." I immediately worry that you're about to sell me a time share. Using my name there is inappropriate. It's wrong. And I think that if you've used it there, it's because you read somewhere that using my name more often would make me like you. Which is wrong. I now don't like you because you used my name in the wrong way.

As the saying goes, "That's my name; don't wear it out."

A Tale of Two Yarn Stores

If you've read my first post, you know that I crochet and knit as a hobby. Obviously, both hobbies require yarn. I get most of my yarn, like pretty much everything else, on line. Unfortunately, yarn is one of those products that it is nice to see and touch before purchasing, so I do like to visit yarn stores from time to time. Most yarn stores fall into one of two categories, which can be illustrated by my recent visits to two different stores.

At the first store, there is a living room set up with a couch and chairs and coffee table to the left of the entrance, in front of a picture window. The cash register is straight ahead on the right hand side. The yarn is arranged on shelves located in two rooms beyond, and in a small area behind the couch. A group of people were sitting in the living room area knitting and talking. An employee was at the cash register, and another employee was in a back room apparently working on inventory or some other business function. The employee at the cash register was chatting with the knitting group, but when we walked in, greeted us and asked us if we needed any help. We said we just wanted to look and proceeded to do just that. I ended up purchasing some yarn, and she wound the skeins into balls for ease of use for me.

At the second store, there is a card table set up to the left of the entrance, running long ways away from the front of the store. The cash register is to the right on a counter. The yarn is arranged in shelves along all of the walls, some of it behind the counter that the cash register is on, and some behind the table, which is surrounded by folding chairs and a group of people knitting and talking. No one is at the cash register; everyone in the store is knitting at the table. One of the people at the table stands up as we walk in and asks if she can help us. We say we're just looking, and proceed to do so. But it's awkward to get to some of the yarn because it's blocked by people knitting, or is behind the register, where customers aren't supposed to go. We leave.

I don't know if I succeeded in explaining the subtle differences between the two stores, but the first felt welcoming and inviting. The second felt as if we were intruding. A quick analysis of the differences:

1) The knitting area - both stores included an area for knitters to relax and work on their craft and talk with others. In theory this should be a welcoming feature in both stores, but it's not. In the first store, the knitting area is set up like a cozy living room with a sofa and chairs. In the second store, it's a multipurpose card table with folding chairs.

2) Layout - In the first store, the yarn is laid out on shelves that meander through the store. The store feels a little cramped, but is not disorganized, in fact, the yarn is sorted in ways knitters will appreciate - sock yarn is in one area, bulky yarns are in another, fine silk yarn in yet another. The second store has a more airy feel. It is one long room with built in shelving stuffed with yarn. A low counter runs most of way up both sides, which are stacked with books and more yarn. Unfortunately, this counter makes it difficult and awkward to get to the yarns to look at them. In addition, the knitting table is also in the way of getting to the yarn. The organization is less obvious as well. They yarn's seem to be grouped by weight, possibly material, but since they're hard to get to, it's hard to tell.

3) Staff - This one is the key. In the first store, the staff is not part of the knitting group. They are working. One staff member is near the group and talking with them, but she has held herself apart from the group. Another staff member is doing other work in the back. In the second store, there is no obvious staff, because any staff members are sitting with the knitting group. It makes it feel as though the customer is interrupting. Additionally, there's the offer to help. Coming from behind the counter, it feels genuine and unhurried. Coming from the social group, it feels as if the offer is just a means to get you out of the store as quickly as possible. I know this is not how the second store's employee meant it, but that's how it feels to the customer.

Unfortunately most yarn stores that I've visited fall into the second category, not the first. While it's nice to see and touch the yarns before purchasing them, visiting a yarn store is not always a pleasant experience, so I'll stick to ordering most of my yarns on line.