- Humility. Being humble doesn’t mean not being confident. It means having a healthy sense of self and one’s place in the world. I often don’t think to post or update about things because I feel others would not be interested in it. The world doesn’t need or want to know what I had for breakfast or that I did laundry today.
- Fear. I’ll admit, I’m terrified of being judged. I have all kinds of wacky non-mainstream interests, hobbies, and thoughts, and I’m afraid that if I talk about them or share them, people will think less of me. I’m also afraid of being boring, so if something seems mundane or trivial, I’ll choose not to talk about it because I want others to think I’m interesting.
- Privacy. As I mentioned, I do think certain things are best kept private. The world does not need to know about my sex life or my bowel movements (which is kind of a shame, because both can be quite interesting. . .) I also try to keep any discussion of health issues to a minimum unless they are specifically related to the topic at hand.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Openness vs. Privacy - A Struggle
I’m a big believer in the millennial values of openness, transparency and honesty. I like to think that my interactions with other embody those values. Lately, however, I’ve been realizing that I’m also a very private person. Sure, I’m on facebook, twitter, linkedin, and I keep a blog, but if you follow me on any of those media, you’ll notice that I don’t update very frequently, and when I do, it’s not particularly revealing. So, I’ve been analyzing my private behavior in the face of my belief in openness, and I’ve come to realize a few of the driving factors behind my lack of updates.
Monday, August 2, 2010
How to be Smart and Stupid All at Once
Today I took the Graduate Record Examination or GRE test. I can hear your collective groan of sympathy. Four hours of standardized testing! But really it wasn't that bad. Partly because I secretly kind of like standardized tests. I don't think anyone can truly say they're good at such tests, but my scores show that I'm definitely better than average. And I like the challenge of being asked purportedly intellectual questions and trying to beat the system. So really, there are worse ways I could have spent those four hours.
By my estimation, I did well on the exam. I received my verbal and quantitative results immediately. I received a perfect score on the verbal section (I can't believe it!) and a respectable score on the math section. I'll have to wait to see what the graders think of my two essays, but I'm optimistic. Despite doing well on the exam, however, the fact that I took it all indicates how stupid I can be. See, one of the alternate routes I'm considering if I don't find employment soon is to get an MBA. Under the impression that an MBA was a Master's degree, I assumed, without verifying that the GRE was the exam I needed to take in order to apply for programs. I didn't find out until after I'd already signed up for the test, purchased a study aid and created a study plan that the test I need to take is the GMAT, not the GRE. At that point I figured the time and money was already invested, so I may as well continue with taking the exam. But, I'll be back at the testing center taking yet another standardized test in the near future.
There's a lot that can be (and has been) said about smart people doing stupid things. I always tell myself and others that everyone makes mistakes, that as long as there's no lasting harm, it's ok to make them from time to time. But I hate when I make mistakes, when I'm wrong, or do something stupid. So, I'm proud of my scores, but mad at myself for not doing the research I should have earlier.
I'm not really a perfectionist. I hold myself to high standards and am constantly disappointed by them. I have observed a correlation, though, between smart people, their level of achievement and their confidence. Namely, smart people are usually either overachievers or underachievers. [Ok, that sounds dumb, since there isn't much else one could be. But by over or under I mean significantly, noticeably off the mark from their expected performance.] And they are usually insecure about their abilities. I've often thought that our education system is the cause of this. When I was in elementary school, I didn't think of myself as all that smart or exceptional. Until my classmates pegged me as the person to beat when it came to academics. Unlike other students, my test scores were the subject of constant curiosity, and if anyone happened to do better than me on an exam, they would announce it to the world. Great for their self-esteem, but not so good for mine. I think the kind of pressure this behavior puts on top performers causes them to either push themselves to constantly be top (to avoid the embarrassment of not being so, even if they never initially sought that position), or to stop performing altogether (to avoid being in the situation at all). This behavior then follows the student throughout their life.
When I was a campus recruiter, I frequently noticed that the most brilliant students, the ones with the best grades, scores, etc., were also the most insecure. They needed a lot of feedback during the recruiting process. They frequently went above and beyond the necessary requirements to get the job, when really their grades and background had already given them a leg up on their competition. And after they were hired, they showed similar insecurities. They wanted more feedback, they were never sure how they were doing, they would work long hours just to be sure that everything was perfect, and they were hard on themselves when it wasn't, even when it was not their fault.
In the end, good scores are something to be proud of, achievements should be noted with pride, perfection is a noble goal, but sometimes, you have to forgive yourself for making a mistake. Sometimes, you have to say, it’s behind me, I learned something, let's move on. So, yeah, I made a mistake. I took the wrong test. But my scores were good, and it was good practice for when I take the GMATS. Now to get studying again.
By my estimation, I did well on the exam. I received my verbal and quantitative results immediately. I received a perfect score on the verbal section (I can't believe it!) and a respectable score on the math section. I'll have to wait to see what the graders think of my two essays, but I'm optimistic. Despite doing well on the exam, however, the fact that I took it all indicates how stupid I can be. See, one of the alternate routes I'm considering if I don't find employment soon is to get an MBA. Under the impression that an MBA was a Master's degree, I assumed, without verifying that the GRE was the exam I needed to take in order to apply for programs. I didn't find out until after I'd already signed up for the test, purchased a study aid and created a study plan that the test I need to take is the GMAT, not the GRE. At that point I figured the time and money was already invested, so I may as well continue with taking the exam. But, I'll be back at the testing center taking yet another standardized test in the near future.
There's a lot that can be (and has been) said about smart people doing stupid things. I always tell myself and others that everyone makes mistakes, that as long as there's no lasting harm, it's ok to make them from time to time. But I hate when I make mistakes, when I'm wrong, or do something stupid. So, I'm proud of my scores, but mad at myself for not doing the research I should have earlier.
I'm not really a perfectionist. I hold myself to high standards and am constantly disappointed by them. I have observed a correlation, though, between smart people, their level of achievement and their confidence. Namely, smart people are usually either overachievers or underachievers. [Ok, that sounds dumb, since there isn't much else one could be. But by over or under I mean significantly, noticeably off the mark from their expected performance.] And they are usually insecure about their abilities. I've often thought that our education system is the cause of this. When I was in elementary school, I didn't think of myself as all that smart or exceptional. Until my classmates pegged me as the person to beat when it came to academics. Unlike other students, my test scores were the subject of constant curiosity, and if anyone happened to do better than me on an exam, they would announce it to the world. Great for their self-esteem, but not so good for mine. I think the kind of pressure this behavior puts on top performers causes them to either push themselves to constantly be top (to avoid the embarrassment of not being so, even if they never initially sought that position), or to stop performing altogether (to avoid being in the situation at all). This behavior then follows the student throughout their life.
When I was a campus recruiter, I frequently noticed that the most brilliant students, the ones with the best grades, scores, etc., were also the most insecure. They needed a lot of feedback during the recruiting process. They frequently went above and beyond the necessary requirements to get the job, when really their grades and background had already given them a leg up on their competition. And after they were hired, they showed similar insecurities. They wanted more feedback, they were never sure how they were doing, they would work long hours just to be sure that everything was perfect, and they were hard on themselves when it wasn't, even when it was not their fault.
In the end, good scores are something to be proud of, achievements should be noted with pride, perfection is a noble goal, but sometimes, you have to forgive yourself for making a mistake. Sometimes, you have to say, it’s behind me, I learned something, let's move on. So, yeah, I made a mistake. I took the wrong test. But my scores were good, and it was good practice for when I take the GMATS. Now to get studying again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
